Leaving Abuse: Some Relationships Must be Destroyed to Rebuild You
Warning: Relationship Demolition in Progress. Leave and Don't Look Back!
Have you ever driven pass a construction zone and seen the safety signs and flashing lights everywhere? That's to focus your attention on what's ahead, so you can be prepared.
Sometimes in relationships, we see the signs alerting us that the road ahead is rocky; there's a big pothole; use alternate route; get the H**L out of here! But for some reason, we don't always take heed to the warning signs.
If the rocky, abusive relationship you're in has come tumbling down, let it fall — it probably wasn't built on a solid foundation anyway.
Don't worry about putting on your hard hat. Forget about putting up the yellow tape. Get out of the demolition zone. Get out before you get demolished!
Don't be like Lot's wife in the Bible who looked back at the destruction and froze into a pillar of salt. If your relationship has reached the demolition stage, looking back will keep you stuck and in jeopardy of being caught up in the rubble.
Some abusive marriages aren't meant to be repaired; some are meant to be demolished. If your marriage falls into the demolition category, don't try to put new drywall over rotted studs. Don't try to replace the laminate counter tops with granite. Don't try to replace your black appliances with stainless steel. Doing all of these cosmetic things doesn't change the fact that the house is infested with termites, the roof is sagging and about to collapse any minute, and the foundation is shifting and about to become a sink hole.
You can't patch and dress-up something that's already rotten to the core. If you have any intention of being set free and truly living a life of wholeness, then let the destructive relationship fall, so you can get on the journey to rebuilding you.
The demolition zone may be familiar, especially if the relationship was hazardous from the start. But be open to the unfamiliar territory of new construction — the new construction that is you. Rebuilding your life after leaving an abusive relationship isn't going to be a one week project like Extreme Makeover Home Edition. It will take several weeks, several months, and for some, several years.
Balancing your emotions, empowering your mind, strengthening your soul, fortifying your spirit, caring for your body, and finding your voice within after abuse is all a part of the rebuilding process.
Leaving Abuse: Going On a Fast is the Foundation to Rebuilding You
From my personal experience in rebuilding my life after dealing with narcissistic abuse in my marriage to a pastor, I can tell you that going on a fast was the most significant part of laying a solid foundation on which to rebuild my life after abuse. I fasted for 40 days from certain foods and things that I was using as a distraction. After I came off the fast, I no longer had the strongholds that were holding me back from moving ahead with my life in a holistic and meaningful way.
Going on a fast may be a great place to start rebuilding you. And remember, a fast is not limited to food. It could be fasting from being around certain people, engaging in unproductive conversations or anything that's counterproductive to your healing process.
Leaving Abuse: Work On Yourself One Area at a Time
After you've gone through the cleansing process of fasting, you may need to work on one main area of yourself at a time. For example, if the abuse and duress you've been under led to neglecting your body and physical health, you may need to work with a fitness coach to get that part of your life back in order. Dealing with your physical well-being could have a trickling effect where it empowers you to take steps to becoming emotionally, mentally, and spiritually whole.
These are just a few tips on how you can get back to living your life and not just existing, but thriving. Whatever area of your life you choose to tackle first may depend on the area you were hurt in the most. For me, I had to do a lot of work on my mind and spirit first. The covert narcissistic mental abuse I experienced did a toll on my mind and almost sucked the life force out of me. So getting to know myself again and reaffirming my relationship with the Most High was key to rebuilding me.
In the process of taking back control of your life, remember that some relationships must be destroyed to rebuild you. If the abusive marriage you're in is beyond repair, then a demolition may be in order. A demolition may be your best hope of rebuilding yourself on a stable, strong, and sustainable foundation.
