Pastors Wives Support: 6 Signs of Spiritual Abuse

You're married to a spiritually abusive pastor who is using his title to control you if:

1. He says or does actions that demonstrate he alone has spiritual insight in the marriage

2. He says or does actions that demonstrate every word that comes out of his mouth are the words of God — you're hearing the audible voice of God whenever he speaks.

3. You're being made to think you're not capable of hearing from God without him.

4. You're being made to think you don't have enough spiritual understanding to come to a conclusion about anything in the bible or the spirit realm.

5. You're being made to feel inferior because you don't have a ministry to pastor — you couldn't possibly have a greater understanding because you're not the one with the calling.

6. He uses the bible to manipulate you into accepting an interpretation birthed out of his desire to have control, not a desire to bring edification or correction out of love.

Why the Most High God (Yah) Does Not Support Controlling Pastor-Husbands

To be controlling is not the heart of a good shepherd. A good shepherd would recognize that he is only the caretaker of the sheep and not the owner. Thus, he would not want to mistreat and dominate the wife that Yah has entrusted him with by using spiritually abusive tactics. That's why it's so important that you recognize the signs of abuse from a spiritually abusive pastor, so you don't dismiss such behaviors.

The scriptures mention that if anyone desires to be a leader among you, let him be your servant (Matthew 20:26). So a leader who is a good shepherd would have a humble heart, and not desire to have lordship over anyone. This is not to say that even the most humble man who happens to be a pastor could never say or do something that could be interpreted as him using his pastor title as a means to exert control over his wife. This could happen because all of us have imperfections. But there's a difference between making mistakes because of our imperfections and the chronic act of inflicting spiritual abuse.

A good shepherd who values his wife would not desire to use a pastor title as a means of control. He would recognize that although the two of you are one, you're still a unique creation. So he would value you and would want you to freely speak what the Holy Spirit has given you to speak — not hinder the voice of Yah within you because he thinks utterances from the spiritual realm are only reserved for him, the pastor. Another point to consider is that Yahshua the Messiah (Jesus Christ), who is the Good Shepherd, calls his sheep his bride. This makes the Messiah a husband figure. I've never come across any scripture where the Messiah used his title to control his bride. The Messiah has always given glory to his Father as the one who gave him the sheep, the bride. If our Bridegroom Yahshua, who is the Word made flesh; who was with Yah; and who is Yah, does not desire to use his title to control us, then what excuse does a mere mortal have in using his pastor title to control his wife? None whatsoever. So pastors' wives, don't be sucked into the lie that your pastor-husband is the only mouthpiece of God concerning your life simply because of his title. I'm not taking anything away from the headship of a husband and the position of a pastor. Nor do I want you to put more value on another man's words if those words are clearly not of Yah. But it's not Yah's will for the title of a pastor or husband to be used as a method of control in a marriage.

Your husband, who happens to be a pastor, is a part of the body of Yahshua just as you are. You have been equipped by the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit to edify the body with your words and actions. You also have the capability and the responsibility to speak what thus sayeth Yah. You have a voice! Don't let your voice be quenched!

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